I warn them to avoid friendships of the opposite sex because that’s where most affairs begin

I warn them to avoid friendships of the opposite sex because that’s where most affairs begin

For him, it was the challenge that gave him a great sense of accomplishment once the relationship was consummated

But when some of these people had their first affair, they did not know about the . As a result, they yielded to yet another temptation.

Their betrayed spouses were often given misguided information about forgiveness, trust, and unconditional love that failed to emphasize the necessity of conditions that would guard their unfaithful spouses’ Love Bank from outside threats

When these people see our program for the first time, they understand the mistakes they made in trying to recover from their past affairs. By following our program, in spite of their multiple affairs, they never have another affair again.

I recommend extraordinary precautions to eliminate the conditions that made their affairs possible. They are to have absolutely no contact with any of their affair partners, requiring a change of employment if they worked together and relocate if they lived nearby. They are to create reciprocal transparency (a betrayed spouse is more likely to cheat after discovering their spouse’s unfaithfulness), giving each other free access to social network accounts, smart phone messaging, and any other way they communicate with others. They are to avoid being apart overnight, and to blend their lives with their spouse’s, completely eliminating, in particular, what I call the unfaithful spouse’s secret second life, where they had previously lived beyond their spouse’s radar. Finally, they are to create a marriage of passion and romance – meeting each other’s emotional needs and avoiding Love Busters.

When I offer this program to serial cheaters, however, they usually don’t follow it because they don’t believe in monogamous marriage. Their secret second life is so valuable to them that they resist any effort to hold them accountable for what they do. They argue that it’s demeaning or cruel to subject them to their spouse’s scrutiny. They want to continue using the skills they had learned in seducing others. They regard flirting and other attempts at seduction as God-given rights or abilities. It’s considered to be a valuable part of their essence and “who they are” which ultimately defines “who they are,” indeed – serial cheaters.

That being said, even yet, some of the serial cheaters I’ve counseled have become faithful. When I find serial cheaters who can set aside their objections, willingly eliminate the conditions that made their affairs possible, and are willing to follow extraordinary precautions for the rest of their lives, they are changed men and women.

In the case of the man I counseled with eleven partners at once, he gave up his job working as a trainer in a fitness center. That was where he met most of the women who he seduced. After leaving that career for a new career where he met very few women, he was able to reduce his temptation considerably. With his life an open book for anyone to see, and following our program for surviving an affair, he never cheated again and his marriage was fully restored.

So whenever the spouse of someone with multiple affairs asks me what he or she can do to help save their marriage, I must tell them that the procedures we recommend will work for those who want to stop cheating. Our program will help them achieve that objective. But if they don’t want to follow our program, I have to assume that they will continue to have affairs for the rest of their lives. And their spouses should assume the same thing. To avoid the suffering that comes with infidelity, I encourage them to divorce as soon as possible.

The man who brought me his manuscript would never have signed up Colombia chicas hermosas on a cheater’s website. His goal was to seduce rather than simply to have an affair with a willing partner. And then, he would move on to his next challenge. He would choose his affair targets one at a time.

The program that I offer at Marriage Builders® to survive an affair is designed for those who value a monogamous marriage. When these people have an affair, they know that it was a mistake, and they want help to survive the affair and restore the marriage to a mutually passionate and caring relationship.

Leave a comment